gosh i hate myself so much!!!!
i dont understand it i used to be so happy and love everything and then i remember i must have been like 7 or 8 and i was in my first 2 piece bathing suit and i thought i looked so amazing........then my grandma told me i needed to suck in my stomach because no one likes a fat girl
ever since i have always thought i was fat and worried about my weight
i just hate how i look and everything about me
and those 2 damn pancakes my mom made me eat today did not help
god i am such a fat ass
o yeah and i got my eyebrows waxed for the first time today and they really hurt still and they are all swollen and crap grrrrr
but i was down to 118
[again]
only 3 more lbs to my first goal weight
but ultimately i wat to be like 80lbs.
what do you guys think is that to little im only 4'11"
comments much appreciated
thanks loves
but here are some "progress" pics for me
well that is me at my fattest about 130 lbs.
these are around my lowest weight 105 lbs.
and lastly these are me now at 119
here is a pic of my fat face
and lastly one of my best friends who is better than me at everything except playing the flute and i will be thinner than her i will
but i have been soo incredibly moody this weekend too like ill be ok one minute and then the next ill be mad and then i just want to cry and its so annoying =[
and my bf hates me =[
but on a good note i will be gone for 2 weeks next sunday and i am in charge of what i eat there will be no one to tell me what to eat or make sure i eat =]
i shall be at western michigan university =]
at a camp =]
and i have friends coming but i can just conveniently practice my flute while everyone eats and just say i have already ate and its no big deal =]
maybe ill finally go down some lbs =]
but i keep thinking that if everyone notices that i am "skinny" [hahaha yeah right] now
then i must have been so extremely huge and then that gets depressing =[
but anyways....
i really wish i had a friend i could hang out with who was like me
but if she thought like me, she probably wouldnt want to be seen with a fat person like me
grrr i hate myself like times 10
=[
- Mood:
gloomy
hmmm i cant decide which color i want to get......
my hair is naturally a light blonde and i have some red highlights in but i dont know if i wanna go for darker hair that will turn light in the sun or light hair that will just get lighter....
idk
- Mood: bored
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